We are desperately chasing after reminders of things we want to forget from our childhood. We may be almost as busy today, avoiding the gifts we missed out on as children (This process is often identified as .... a repetitive pattern of negative self-defeating behaviour)

In the previous page Negative Core Beliefs - and how they control the selves and your life I explained about "core beliefs" and how almost every unbalanced or negative belief we have about ourselves seems to be connected in some way with our deepest thoughts or feelings about being:

• not good enough (incompetent)

• not good enough (unlovable)

• unwanted, different

• defective, imperfect, bad

• powerless, one-below

• in danger, not safe

• don’t know, wrong

Within those broad belief patterns, however, are many different variations. Whatever your unbalanced beliefs are, they help to define your unique and individual core issues and these in turn control the way your inner selves react when those issues are triggered. It's often been said that whatever your most negative core belief about yourself might be, that's the one your selves will tend most to "dance around".

How your unbalanced core beliefs bind your reality

While you have powerful unbalanced negative beliefs in place, your sense of reality will be so tied up, polarised, bound and distorted that you literally cannot see the positive parts within you. Until you begin the balancing process, you will probably reject, even fight the reality if someone tries to tell you that you have a positive side. This happens so often that one of the easiest ways to identify a core belief is just to ask yourself what kind of compliment (about you) usually makes you feel most uncomfortable.

As a result, you will find it easier to collect ‘evidence’ that seems to prove that your negative core beliefs are true and harder to see any evidence to the contrary! If one of your beliefs is ‘My ideas are not worth listening to’ you will notice every instance where people ignore your advice (and you will be hurt by that). You may totally miss a situation where someone compliments you on a worthwhile suggestion or you may hear it but get no joy from the compliment (you may even devalue it) wondering to yourself. ‘What is he trying to get out of me?’

You will miss the truth because you are so busy trying to cope with the lie. The problem you are trying to get rid of is actually being helped to stay put.

Why is this so? Because your inner selves tend to use one fixed, automatic, repetitive polarised pattern to keep you from feeling the pain connected to a negative belief. Unfortunately, accepting a sincere compliment would also connect you to the same belief so the same automatic pattern comes in to block both positive and negative messages. To add to the problem, whatever your unique unbalanced beliefs about yourself might be, they will unconsciously attract (towards you) the kind of people whose behaviour fits in with your negative beliefs, as if you had a sign above your head inviting the very people who will trigger those beliefs to come in and do just that!

At the same time your beliefs will help you repel or distance from positive people who do not fit in with your beliefs. And this in turn, will shape many of the ways those people then react towards you! In this way, core beliefs control much of your life. They influence major life decisions including your choice of a career and marriage partner, but unfortunately in a less than positive way.

The ‘self-fulfilling prophecy’

This is aptly described as a ‘self-fulfilling prophecy’, suggesting that what you expect or predict is more likely to happen because of the things you do to prepare yourself for it. This is more likely whenever your supporting beliefs tell you ‘it is going to happen again.’

What is a "trigger" and what is "triggering"?

A trigger can be an event, a specific comment, a specific experience, an action by another person, it can be a particular sight or sound, a sudden flash of a past memory, a tone of voice. Triggers (usually or always) ignite your immediate, strong and automatic reaction or bring on feelings of extreme pain, discomfort, destabilisation, fear, confusion, disappointment or devastation. Some of your triggers have been with you all your life, many have been there since early childhood. Usually, they will set off the same reaction each time you are reminded of the original situation.

All it takes is an event (Example: being ignored by a shop assistant behind a counter) which reminds you of your childhood wounding and your core pain when you were constantly ignored, hearing a familiar phrase (‘you are so helpless’) even when it is said with no intention to hurt you, being touched somewhere on your body, an emotion (feeling someone else’s fear or anger), hearing a piece of music, even a particular aroma (a familiar perfume). Even just talking about a painful past event can trigger you.

How do you use self-awareness skills and inner self work to help understand your core beliefs? See below ...

For introductory explanation about Core beliefs go back to:

Negative Core Beliefs - and how they control the selves and your life

Examples of typical negative core beliefs