Q. What is a Negative Core belief?
A. A negative belief you hold
(about yourself) that is essentially "Deep down inside I am not good enough
because ....... " There are hundreds of different "because" endings.
There are several groups of because endings and issues, with dozens of beliefs in each group. None of them are accurate. Most are not true, but telling you this, at this stage won't help much (see below) .
There are couple of hundred on this page Examples of negative Core Beliefs but to balance your own specific negative belief with a positive one you need first to discover what the specific "because" or issue is about. Yours will be different from people around you. There are no common or one-size-fits-all negative core beliefs.
Negative Core Beliefs develop as a small child tries to work out a "because" to help them cope with something they don't understand or are troubled by in their daily life. It might be neglect, injustice, dishonest parenting, parents with addictions, abuse or just feelings of vulnerability, fear or shame.
Whatever it is the child feels the need for:
1. A "because" that will help them make sense of and accept what is happening to them
2. A "because" that will help them "fit in" better in their family or at school
The trouble is that the only "because" that seems to work (at that time) is a belief "I am not good enough because ....... and so it must be my fault, not theirs."
This "because belief" appears to work if it helps the child "fit in" and "make sense" and if so it gets reinforced every day and more it seems to work the more it seems as though it must be "true".
In a functional family environment a child would not have needed to take on such negative beliefs. So in a way you could describe a negative because belief as "the negative belief you needed when you shouldn't have needed a negative belief".
Read more about this Five gifts from your negative Core belief
Some other horrible truths about negative core beliefs
1. The less proof or
evidence there is to back up an old core belief the more fixed it
This is strange. Why would this be so?
Part 1 - How can I understand
something I'm not even aware of and something that doesn't make sense?
Right from the start I need to admit that understanding core beliefs is not easy. If dealing with the amazing problems that our core beliefs cause us was at all straightforward, people wouldn't be troubled by them the way that they are.
There is one particular issue that stands above all others and it needs to be accepted before you can begin to start work fixing your core belief problems. This issue is about what it takes to create, change or alter things that we believe . There is something very unusual in the difference between what happens with everyday beliefs and core beliefs. Let me try to explain, and even now I am having trouble explaining, so please bear with me.
1. The more proof, data or evidence we can find to support
an everyday belief the easier it is to
accept that belief.
3. The deeper a belief becomes established in your mind, the harder it
is to question or change that belief. Once a belief
gets locked in and the longer it stays locked in, the deeper and deeper it
goes until it becomes a core belief.
4. Even when there is clear proof or evidence or data available that should convince you that a core belief is out of date or no longer applicable it is still unbelievably difficult to see this and even harder to make any change.
* The less evidence there is to
support a deeply held core belief the more the more rigid it becomes and
strongly people seem to hold on to it!
For now, can you see why this difference between ordinary beliefs and core beliefs can be very significant for you?
The good news
So one of the most positive things you can do is to stop using all your
amazing abilities for self-questioning and rational analytical thinking, trying to search for
reasons and solutions . This just will not work,
it may make the problem worse..
Balancing negative and positive core beliefs is a
better way - use your grown-up self-awareness and self empowerment
1. Identifying them, acknowledging and accepting that they became a part of you a long time ago because in some way they were at that time needed to help you "fit in".
2. Accepting that they cannot be changed or got rid of They became part of your belief system to help you a long time ago. At that time they were a friend, a tough friend but that's what you needed then. You don't kick an old friend out just because they are no longer any use to you.
3. Balancing them with positive core beliefs instead of trying to change them or make them go away. Balancing the negative with a positive belief is the only way that works permanently.
do this is explained but only as a summary on number of separate pages linked on this site.
(Balancing your Core beliefs)
The best news is that core belief problems are inside you. You have a much better chance of doing something about them than if they were being caused by other people. (Which by the way, is another of the tricks that old unbalanced core beliefs play, making it appear that the problem is outside of us instead of within us.)
However, instead of an intellectual discussion, I would like to begin by sharing an unusual detective story. Well, it's probably more of a fable but I find that when anything is difficult to grasp it is easier to begin by telling a story. In this detective story you will notice some of the key points about core beliefs, particularly about how misunderstood proof or evidence can add to the confusion. Notice in the story that even the skilled "core belief detective" (trained in rational analytical thinking) has trouble working out what's going on.
Let's go to the story and then come back to our discussion later. The case of the Stolen Self-esteem
and then later on you can read Where Core Beliefs come from
THE FULL CORE BELIEF STORY and WORKSHEETS NOW AVAILABLE by e-mail
The whole process of identifying your own negative
core beliefs and then balancing them is a very individual matter. There are no
general rules, no standard step by step approach. If there was I would print it
Would you like to :
1. Discover your own hidden troublemakers and identify your own hidden negative core beliefs?
2. Identify the problems that your individual core beliefs are causing you and that you want to fix
3. Discover why identifying your own negative core beliefs, accepting them and not trying to change them is a positive and self-empowering step forward.
4. Find out how to balance your negative beliefs with positive ones. This begins to work as soon as you know why you need to balance them (and why you must not try to get rid of them altogether)
5. Avoid getting triggered again as you have in the past
To order and for more information on the content of the workbooks (over 60 pages in total) go to Core Belief Workbooks by e-mail. Also available on a CD but extra costs apply for mailing
Feedback - please e-mail me John Bligh Nutting - at firstname.lastname@example.org
I gratefully acknowledge the valuable help and understanding I received while writing about Belief Systems, firstly from Nikki Nemerouf and Jeffrey Young and also from John Falcon for his guidance and valuable additions. I emphasise that the following pages do not follow precisely the core belief, core schema or core profile models as taught by any one of these outstanding teachers. However, many of the ideas on this website are clearly based on their original work and the training I did with them.
From that point I have introduced some alternate concepts, in particular the connection between core belief work and the psychology of the inner selves (voice dialogue) as taught by Dr. Hal and Dr. Sidra Stone. I have found that dialoguing with the beliefs themselves as "characters" inside us is one of the most useful skills (often the critical factor) in clarifying, and balancing old core beliefs.
I thank Earl Cass and Anthony Nutting for their support and expert suggestions and my thanks to my ex-wife and friend Rozz Nutting for permitting me to include extracts from her own book on the core belief process.
With appreciation - John Nutting
Copyright © John Nutting
- 2012 and ©
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LAST UPDATE Monday, 29 October 2012 16:16
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Examples of negative core beliefs - is yours on this list